Signs You're at an AOL Theme Park

14. "Twice as many rides -- all 40% slower!!"
13. The neighboring "Microsoft Theme Park" keeps trying to
connect up its carriages to your cash register.
12. The really good rides you keep hearing about aren't
accessible at all.
11. Your ticket is good for "500 free hours!" but the fine print
reminds you that all free hours must be used today.
10. The sign outside the bigtop tent reads, "We're sorry, all
circus are busy right now.  Please come back later."
9. Ride attendants keep insisting they're busty young vixens
despite the fact that they're all over 40, dirty, and male.
8. None of the rides work, but big color pictures make it easy
 to find your way around.
7. A spiffy new look to the roller coaster since last time you
 visited, but it's still just as rusty, squeaky and dangerous.
 6. Even though you've paid your monthly entrance fee, you
can't get into the park any time except between midnight
and six a.m.
5. Ten million visitors a day, and all they want to do is ride the
merry-go-round.
4. The entire park is run by monkeys chained to typewriters.
3. You're visitor number 1,267,866 in a park that only has room
for 2350.
2. "We're sorry, but the 'Mr. Case's Obscenely Long Ride Line'
ride is unavailable.  Please try again soon."
1. IT'S AN ALL-CAPS WORLD AFTER ALL!