Italian In America

I am an Italiano visitin' America. 

One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat
breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She bring me only
one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say no,
you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no
piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she
call me sonna ma bitch. 

I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and
knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everybody wanna
fock. I tella her no, you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She
say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch. 

So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I
call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to ma
toilet. I say no, you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you
better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the
man at the desk say: PEACE ON YOU! 

I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy!