Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

A husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire".

   The husband asks for sex.

   The wife says, "No."

   Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?"

   She responds, "Yes."

   He says, "Then, I'd like to call a friend."

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Pumping Gas

Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary's hometown.
They are low on fuel so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The
attendant comes out and begins to pump gas into the First couple's gas
tank. As he is doing this, he looks into the passenger window. "Hey,
Hillary. We used to date in high school, do you remember me?", he asks.
They chat for a few minutes,
Bill pays and the First couple leaves. As they drive off, Bill is feeling
very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary. "You used to date that
guy? Just think what it would be like if you had married him instead of
me", he says smugly. Hillary looks at Bill and shrugs. Then she replies,
"Well I guess you'd be pumping gas and he would be the President." 

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Only in America

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance... 
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating
rink... 
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and
a diet coke... 
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens
to the counters... 
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put useless junk in the garage... 
Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back
of the store to get their prescriptions. 
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place... 
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight... 
Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering!