Empty Arms
An Endometriosis and Infertility Website
I found this while surfing the internet, and I could not believe how many of these related to me! They say laughter is the best medicine . . . enjoy!
You Know You Have Endo When...
You no longer plan vacations, but your next step without pain.
You've memorized your operative report.
When your gyn calls you for you opinion on the actions of treatment for one of his/her new patients that has Endo.
You educate your gynecologist on the fundamentals of Endo
When sex used to be a pure passion pleasure and now you're wondering if you don't really have a little S&M streak in you, since sex equals pain and less pleasure.
You can refer any woman in the office to a GYN in any of 6 different states.
You pride yourself on the fact that you can get into the stirrup position in one smooth move.
Kotex and Tampax send you corporate Xmas Cards every year.
When you are trying to get a patent on a testicle squeeze ball to relive the tensions of pain and stress.
When a heating pad, cup of tea, Motrin and pain pills has become your idea of a good Friday night.
The pharmacist sends a "We've missed you" card or calls to make sure you are still alive when he/she hasn't seen you in a week.
When everyone leaves you behind and you pretend that it doesn't bother you.
You see Santa coming down the Chimney and you are there ready with a blowtorch because the pain made you do it!!
Your kids come in the house and they are quiet cause they know that your pain will cause them to get KP for a month!!
When your gyn of 15 years says wow I never knew you were in that much pain as you are squeezing his privates to see how much pain he is in and keep telling him it is all in his head.
When you walked with your hand on your hip and it is not because you have an attitude.
When the local medical. school uses you as a demo for the ideal looking fetal position when explaining it to medical. students.
When you lay in bed thinking of ways to help your partner share in your pain.
When hiring a hit man for yourself brings a sigh of relief for even a brief moment.
You have a frequent buyer card at the local woman's and medical. school bookstores.
The librarian at the city library begins to pull books relating to ob/gyn-Endo-herbal remedies, etc on a weekly basis and reserves them for you without you ever having to call.
The ER docs know you on a first name basis and greet you the minute you walk through the door for your standing appointment in the ER.
Your email address book looks like a sorority and you swear you were a gyn/RE by the titles on the emails. Hey, with all that reading experience you could be ...right?
Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest pales in comparison to you on a good day.
Remember the T-rex in Jurassic Park? Enough said......
When you wonder what the docs did with all the money they were supposed to use for medical. school.
You start to plant rice in your backyard to supply all the rice pillows you have.
Instead of saying "Great How about you?" you respond "HI, how are you?"
You buy your heating pad as a Christmas present.
Your idea of a cocktail involves herbs and bark.
Beside your bed you have a heating pad, a rice pillow, pain killers, analgesic cream, several self help books, aroma therapy candle, surgical report tapes, and an above average supply of Kit Kats.
The doctor's office asks you to pencil them in.
You think PMS stand for Pain Management Sucks.
You and your mothers compare bowel habits and you find the conversation fascinating.
You often wish you had your own adjustable hospital bed at home.
The Tidy Bowl man hands in his resignation!
Exercise is something you get when you roll over from side to side to get up to use the restroom.
The pharmacy calls you when they're out of something.
You have "phantom" pain where your ovary used to be.
You and your mother exchange tips for coping with hot flashes.
Due to painful intercourse, you and your partner look like you are playing a game of Twister every time you have sex.
You can draw a female anatomy chart from memory.
When you can have a root canal without any novocaine because that only registers at a 5 on your scale of pain.
Your husband keeps track of the days of your menstrual cycle on *his* calendar.
Motrin becomes part of your daily nutritional supplement regimen.
The Midol company sends you a complimentary cruise to thank you for all the money you have invested in their product.
When other women tell you they don't know where their ovaries are located you think they are kidding.
Kotex sends you free samples in a U-Haul.
Your idea of a vacation is a trip to the top specialist in the country.
You've developed your *own* theory about the real cause of endo.
You single handedly affect the rise or fall in the price of Tylenol stock in which you of course own controlling interest.
Your husband thinks "I've got a headache" sounds like a GOOD opportunity!
Your Christmas stocking has a heating pad and a bottle of Advil in it.
It's official, you know more than your doctor.